In memory of ..

People always tell me " Stephanie , you're sucha lucky girl. You've travelled to so many places and always get what you want." Stephanie, " I am not rich, don't have to envy, I just have a super awesome dad who worked hard enough to give the family a good life and I am so goddamn proud of him". And when I say "good" it doesn't mean I have to own everything like the latest gadgets, a big house or own a big car, no things just don't work that way.

I used to think that I must have everything expensive but wait isn't that what most of us wish for ? Now, I am contented with what I have, I dare not ask for more because if you ask for a lot of things in life, you'll never know when will god take someone dear at heart to exchange for the materials you fancy. I always believe in that.

So, it is 11th May again. 5 years since you part from us. I could barely recognise your voice, perhaps I was too young? Can you imagine not having someone whom I love and respect and you thought was gonna be with you to see you in your process of growing up? Where were you when I was growing up? How I wish you'd be there like others.

5 years ago ...

It breaks my heart to see the fear in my mother's eyes. The panic when she came running to us, breaking the sad news. The saddness in her heart, the tears in her eyes and her painful screams beside his deathbed. And it breaks my heart even more to see him with his eyes closed, hands feeling so cold and soo .. , he was gone. Gone forever, never coming back , never coming home. The voice inside my head was constantly repeating that phrase. It was only then I realised the importance of cherish. But it was too late.

I hugged the last doll you gave. I could barely sleep for the next few days. You know it was so hard to let you go, I could never forget the sight of you slowly being pushed in for crimination. The sight was just unbearable, I broke down into tears, I fell to the ground screaming out loud begging you to come back. You know, anyone one present at that time would listen how painful my scream was but I don't care whether it is embarassing or not. Cause all I could think of is wishing you'd come back to us.

I sincerely hope you're doing fine up there.
I love you, always. rest in peace.

Stephanie XOXO