Feelings show

As i was in the midst of writing an essay , I found out I've gone out of point , like again . This vicious cycle of me misinterpreting just keeps repeating itself . And I only found out during the last 15 minutes . I am doomed for sure . I guess I was too nervous just like for english . I screwed up almost every paper , which was quite depressing . Well Well , I am not smart neither am i a dumbfuck . I just get a lil too nervous under such circumstances , thus , being sick during this critical point in my life just adds up to me feeling even more depressed . I am just worried over my results , chance of me getting lousier grades compared to prelims is very likely (and most people flunk their prelims and do well in actual , I dont wanna be the only loser who did well in prelims and not the actual) and most afraid of not getting what I want . WHINEEE

Yes its not easy to deal with so many subjects , I really admire those who take more than me and still able to cope well . For this , I respect them . But I know this aint any excuse for not doing well . Just blame it on my laziness and so much for " I'm gonna start being introvert " . Guess not much effort have been put in . Those Ace 4 years back compared to now was just piece of cake .

I asked my friends " Does environment affect one's learning progress ? " . They said " absolutely " ! God , thats when i felt im on the right planet . My mom always tell me not to blame on the environment im in and the peers . To excel is dependent on one's hardworking attitude . But I think environment and the peers you mix with plays an important factor in one's process in learning , don't you think so too ? Imagine being dumped in a class with no motivation . Your future is at stake . cos of peer influence and the list of negative imapacts goes on . At first i really hated hilly , but things werent that bad after getting to know the people and come to think of it , most of us who ended up here didnt want to be here at all . I think If i'm still IJ I guess I wouldnt experience the warmth i have had over here and the warmth i am saying is a different kind of warmth I can never experience being in a girls school . Hard to describe but yeah i've learnt many things in life here . Ij girls are quite snobbish ! well some not all ! And i happened to be one of them , but i've changed for the better . I've also learnt to adapt to a whole new different environment . (But i think my standard will not drop if i were to continue to study with all girls lehhzx) hehe okok . I think too highly of myself LOL .

Say , for EXAMPLE . mixing with someone who's good in english , does makes you wanna speak properly and write well . But sometimes I wonder , how someone with good english background not do well in exams . So I guess , being able to speak well does not mean you can write well . Likewise , if you cant write well doesn't mean you cant speak well . Of course there's some who are genuinely good in both and lousy in both . But that isn't my main concern . hmm . So which category do you think you fall under ? I really love writing essays and letters but i guess this time I screwed all of them up quite bad . So I guess results doesnt really have to indicate one's standard of language or even learning subjects such as sciences and mathematics .

I've been holding on the my calculator almost everyday punching in same values over and over again . I know it's sriously a waste of time and i find it funny myself . So I guess , this is it . I cant be whining about this all day , I am only left with one last paper .. what's the use of counting when its all coming to an end ? I am just sad not doing it to the best of my abilities . Just felt that i can do a whole lot better given my intelligence (hehe !!) Results doesnt really have to matter . At the end of the day , I know I've had fun here with the friends I've made along the way , that actually matters . okay i think i can go on and on all day about this but Im gonna end it here . I am such a bore .